Sit down and talk it out

I say, this is hitting the 'self-righteous' on the head with a nail… ooopppsss! I mean hitting the nail right on the head of the 'self-righteous'! Errhh… Whatever, this is hitting the point right home. Kudos!

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You can't force people to care; neither should those in need be rude about it

Letter from Esther Lim

THERE has been much debate over the issue of giving up of seats on the MRT to those who are in need.

In trying to encourage social graciousness and compassion, let's not forget that nobody owes anybody anything. It's not wrong to be hopeful, but I'm not sure you should expect someone to give up his seat for you when needed.

It is simply impossible to command someone to be compassionate. It has to come from the heart.

Why can't someone who's entitled to a seat sit comfortably? Why is he expected to be on a constant lookout for anyone who needs a seat more than him? If that's the case, I would rather stand at a cozy corner and do whatever I choose instead of being seated, lest I be judged for not offering my seat because I was too engrossed in my book or taking forty winks.

Social graciousness is also about being tolerant, understanding and less judgmental of those who do not appear to have lived up to expected norms. I do not think it right for someone full of righteous indignation to fulfil his personal need to do good, regardless of whether the situation warrants it, such as by demanding that someone give up his seat for someone else.

Perhaps the three groups - the needy, the passive commuters and the self-righteous - should strive to come to a common understanding.

The needy can be hopeful but should treat kindness as a privilege, not an obligation. Commuters should be encouraged, and not pressured or made to feel obligated or be judged.

The self-righteous should exercise discretion when deciding whether the situation truly warrants their interference, bearing in mind that their interference does not make them any more compassionate than those whom they victimised. Someone who is silently enduring a bad case of migraine might well need a seat more than a pregnant woman in her second trimester carrying a few shopping bags and chatting merrily on her mobile phone.

From TODAY, Voices – Monday, 06-Jul-2009; see the source article here.

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