A first step to overcoming addiction

CASINO EXCLUSION ORDERS

ALICIA WONG

alicia@mediacorp.com.sg

SOON after they held their customary wedding ceremony four years ago, the hongbao (red packet) money that they had been given went missing.

That's when she had her first suspicions about her husband's gambling addiction.

Since then, the 41-year-old crane operator has "relapsed" twice from counselling. Altogether, he has incurred a debt of at least $100,000.

So when the opportunity to bar him from entering the casinos at the integrated resorts came up, Mdm Tan (not her real name) took it.

"(His gambling addiction) is not easy to handle, it's a long process. That's why I decided to apply for the exclusion order," she said yesterday in a phone interview.

Mdm Tan, also 41, and her husband are one of the seven families granted a family exclusion order - one of three types of exclusion orders - by the National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPG). The order allows a family to seek help to curb a problem gambler's behaviour and bars the addict from entering the casinos.

The other two orders, self-exclusion and third-party exclusion, will be implemented later.

Mdm Tan knew her husband had been gambling since his teenage years, but thought he was "just a social gambler". Her husband knows all types of gambling "but it's soccer betting that got him into trouble", she said.

She only noticed things were amiss about three to four years ago, when they seemed to be in financial difficulties.

"We don't have children, and we're both working. So we shouldn't have ended up in this state," she said.

It was then that the office administrator found out about his $50,000 credit card debt and loans which he had taken from his insurance policy and from his company. Checks on her husband's mobile phone turned up text messages on betting tips.

Often "black-faced" and "depressed", he would also wake up in the middle of the night to access online betting sites.

They quarrelled when she confronted him, but he finally agreed to seek help.

He knew "his mistakes" and would have agreed to a divorce had she asked him for one. But Mdm Tan decided to give him another chance.

The couple went for marriage counselling but stopped after a few months. Almost a year later, her husband went back to gambling and racked up another $50,000 in debt in four months.

This time round, they turned to gambling addiction counselling. But after about "a year plus, he relapsed again", said Mdm Tan.

Spotting a Giro application form for betting with Singapore Pools that had been mailed to him, Mdm Tan "immediately talked to him and tried to understand (his struggles)". Counselling has taught her that her husband "needed time to cut off the habit".

While the couple had quarrelled frequently and "almost wanted to separate a few times", the silver lining this struggle is her husband's willingness to change, she said.

Their families and most of their friends are unaware of the couple's situation. Only her brother-in-law is aware of his brother's addiction, and attends counselling sessions with them.

Their counsellor has also advised Mdm Tan's husband to tell his gambling buddies of his problem.

For now, Mdm Tan continues to cut out soccer news from the newspapers and asks him to leave a party if she sees his friends gambling.

"So far, so good," she said.

The application process

Madam Tan was granted the family exclusion order at the end of August, after waiting for about two months.

Her counsellor at Tanjong Pagar Family Service Centre prepared the report and submitted it to the National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPG) secretariat.

"They (NCPG) called me and sent me a letter to ask me to go down and sign documents," she recalled.

She was initially told she may have to attend a hearing - where a committee of assessors will decide whether to issue a family exclusion order - but because her husband agreed to the exclusion, the hearing was not needed.

"So he signed (the documents) and we sent it back (by mail) … After that, they sent us the exclusion order."

The order can only be revoked after a minimum of one year. The NCPG will review the case and decide if it should be revoked. ALICIA WONG

From TODAY, News – Wednesday, 23-Sep-2009

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Siren used as ring tone

Letter from Vasan S

I REFER to the letter "Time to silence phones, game consoles and headsets on trains" by Mr Sam Ang (Sept 2).

I would agree with Mr Ang on the disturbance from the headsets and, at the same time, would like to highlight the use of weird ring tones by some people.

While I was travelling on the North East Line the other day, I observed a student using an emergency tone similar to the ambulance and police siren as his ring tone.

Unfortunately, he received at least two calls during my trip. I could see that the people around him looked worried each time his phone rang.

One of the passengers later spoke to the student about his use of the siren as a ring tone but it was no use.

Should we allow the use of the emergency siren as a ring tone?

From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 02-Sep-2009

Time to silence phones, game consoles and headsets on trains

Image via Wikipedia

Letter from Sam Ang

THE SMRT has taken action against commuters eating and drinking on MRT trains. However a more annoying and pervasive daily problem is not about eating and drinking.

When I take the train to work in the morning, it is very common to hear irritating noises and music coming from electronic gadgets like handphones and handheld game consoles.

There are those who listen to music so loud that all those around them are forced to listen to it. The bigger audio headsets often give off loud noises and these should be banned. The worst scenario is to be seated next to someone wearing them.

Ring tones, too, can be loud but at least telephones do not ring all the time. On the other hand, one can be sitting near or next to a someone listening to music that is blasting away non-stop for half-an-hour or more.

As in the case of eating or drinking on the trains, most of this noise comes from teenagers and young adults.

This problem is getting worse because the culprits have been getting away with it. It is time the SMRT takes strong action to stop this nuisance. The culprits should be fined because, as in case of eating and drinking, warning them is not good enough.

Everyone would like to sit in a quiet train in the morning and concentrate on the day's work ahead.

From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 02-Sep-2009

Build character as well as a living

Letter from Benjamin Gan

I REFER to "All of us are guilty sometimes" (Sept 1).

Mr Wilson Lim's remark that "people here tend to mind their own business to avoid unnecessary trouble" is truly indicative of the mindset of the average Singaporean, a mindset that seems codified into our genes, reinforced and refined through generations in the name of survival.

And what is even more remarkable is that our society has progressed beyond the state of survival. We do not need to steal or kill for our food and we are comfortably sheltered from the wrath of nature.

I marvel at how this mindset could have flourished in the midst of our economic progress. My only sad conclusion is that our social development has been woefullly neglected in favour of economic development. I think it is time we get back to basics by revamping our education system to include ethics and social studies in the curriculum. Education is not just about grades and good jobs. It is about building character.

From TODAY, Voices – Wednesday, 02-Sep-2009

The nub of the matter

Image by mikeleeorg via Flickr

BUDGET TAI-TAI

Tabitha Wang

voices@mediacorp.com.sg

EVERY few months or so, I get an e-mail from yet another acquaintance from Singapore telling me how lucky I am to be working in Hong Kong "where the big bucks are" and asking if I can look out for a job for him or her.

"It must be amazing," one said wistfully.

"I imagine you partying in Lan Kwai Fong every night before going home to your expat pad in The Peak, while I am stuck here in my tiny HDB flat with my parents." If only…

Even before my husband lost his job, my life was nowhere was glamorous as my friends were imagining. There was no house in the Peak, no Aston Martin DB9 to whiz up to said Peak mansion ... heck, I couldn't even afford a live-in maid like so many middle-class families in Singapore.

But no matter how much I denied it, they still see me through the green-tinted glasses of the grass-is-always-greener sufferers.

It doesn't help that last week, global financial firm UBS released the results of a price-comparison survey showing how Singapore is now Asia's second-most expensive place to live in, after Tokyo and ahead of Hong Kong.

However, employees in Tokyo are paid twice as much as those in Singapore. To rub salt into the wounds, Hong Kong workers take home about 20 percent more than those in Singapore.

Singaporeans need to put in about three days' work, or 27.5 hours, to buy an iPod nano while Hongkongers just have to clock two days, or 19 hours.

Going by the figures, it looks like people working in Singapore are getting a raw deal, right?

They earn less but have to pay more for their daily expenses.

So it follows logically that someone like me, who's employed in Hong Kong, should be having a better life than the poor sloggers back home. Right?

Wait till you read the fine print. UBS said: "We endeavored to reflect the consumption patterns of an average Western European family as best as we could."

That's the nub of the matter.

A shopping basket packed to the brim with cheese, sausages and wine is going to cost less here than in Singapore.

However, soya sauce, Milo and rice cost less in Singapore than in Hong Kong - just that you're never going to see them in the basket of an "average Western European family", are you?

Pubs and western restaurants here may charge less than those in Singapore (because there are more of them competing for the same market).

But the food at the cha chan tengs (tea houses) here cost at least double that of kopitiams back home.

As for transportation, of course it's going to cost more if you insist on driving your expensive German car (thanks to COEs and ERP) or taking a taxi (thanks to surcharges) everywhere in Singapore.

But the MRT fare from, say Kranji to Pasir Ris is only $2 compared to HK$23.50 ($4.30) for an MRT journey of about the same duration from Tung Chung to Chai Wan.

As for rents, given how many bankers have been retrenched recently, maybe a flat in Mid-Levels is cheaper than one in Orchard Road.

But there is no way rent for a three-room HDB flat in Ghim Moh is going to be higher than that for a pokey studio in Kowloon.

So honestly, the middle-class Singaporean is actually better off than a Hongkonger trying to maintain the same standard of living. He eats better, lives in better surroundings and can afford to splurge on expensive cheese now and then.

For instance, I am earning 20 per cent more than I was doing a similar job in Singapore. It sounds impressive until you calculate than my rent is almost 80 percent of my salary and my grocery bill is almost twice what it used to be in Singapore.

I have no savings and have to take on freelance jobs to make ends meet, like some Hongkongers.

So why am I still here? It's not the money. It's the thrill of being in another country, doing the weirdest things like hiking in the hills in winter.

The other day, a Hong Kong friend who'd just returned from a trip to Singapore asked me: "Everything's half price compared to here. Should I try to get a job there?"

Tabitha Wang knows the grass is never greener on the other side - she's checked it on her hikes.

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From TODAY, Voices – Friday, 28-Aug-2009

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Singapore to launch new standard for hotel security

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Guarding against possible terrorist attacks? Perhaps.

All that I can say is that 'it is better to be safe than sorry.'

Read the story here.

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Beauty queen's outfit falls short of Japanese tastes

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

I agree with the detractors, those who fall under the conservative group.

Either you wear a totally revealing outfit (if you can call a two-piece underwear an outfit), or you dress up and down, all the way.

To me, this mid-way costume showing the hot pink underwear is more than simply an outfit: it seems that a crass and sleazy character is being projected by none other than Japan's Miss Universe contestant, and she represents the people, the female populace of Japan with that kind of dress.

If you are a Japanese girl, would you like to be looked at in that way?

Read that story here.

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