The heavy price of bigger breasts

No one takes you seriously when you tell them that your chest is a massive pain in the rear, or rather, back

by Bryony Gordon The Daily Telegraph

04:02 PM May 08, 2009

WOMEN with large breasts shouldn’t have to pay more for their underwear.

Women with larger-than-average busts always moan, don’t they?

They stand there, with their hands on their womanly hips, their cleavages eclipsing their tiny waists, whingeing because God was kind enough to bestow upon them the kind of bosom that renders men powerless with lust and women speechless with envy.

“It’s really awful, actually. I get terrible back pain” - at this point they will stick their hands on their lower backs for effect, thus heaving their breasts into your face - “and I can never find a bra that fits, or doesn’t look like a piece of building equipment or surgical dressing. Also, people just stare at them all the time. It’s as if I’m not a person - I’m just a giant pair of breasts.”

But now the big-breasted brigade have another reason to complain: Marks and Spencer (M&S) in Britain is refusing to end its practice of charging an extra £2 ($4.43) for bras over a DD cup.

Proving the gravity of the situation, a Facebook group has been set up.

Busts 4 Justice has more than 8,000 members, who will presumably dress their chests in superhero costumes and storm the M&S headquarters, or carry out a mass burning of their criminally expensive undergarments.

The group’s co-founder, Ms Beckie Williams - a 34E, apparently - argues that just as fat people don’t have to spend extra on larger clothes, so women with bigger breasts should not have to pay more for bras.

M&S claims that the engineering and materials required to create these feats of structural, supportive magnificence more than justifies the extra cost. Asda, meanwhile, has declared all-out war, and announced that their bras will be one price fits all.

“People may joke about it, but bras are a sensitive subject,” said Ms Williams this week. “It just shows how much of an emotional issue having big breasts is for a lot of women.”

Titter, titter. Actually, she has a point, though she is making it entirely in the wrong way - because every time a woman with a large bust moans about it, those in front of her usually switch off and focus on her chest.

Without going into detail, I am one of the aforementioned whingeing females, and there is not a man or woman in the world who will take you seriously when you tell them that your chest is a massive pain in the rear, or rather, back.

They just think: “Breasts, breasts, glorious breasts” and become so hypnotised that you wonder whether you could cure them of their 40 a-day habit.

Unfortunately, I fear the best way for Ms Beckie Williams to get justice for bigger busts is to squeeze hers into an M&S design, storm into M&S CEO Stuart Rose’s office and smile sweetly at him. Tragic, but probably true.

On the subject of big breasts, my thoughts naturally turn to Prime Minister of Italy, Mr Silvio Berlusconi.

He employed a former topless model as his minister for equal opportunities, phoned adult chat lines to carry out a pre-election opinion poll and told a doctor working with the victims of Italy’s recent earthquake that she could resuscitate him any time.

Now his wife is divorcing him. He is a laughing stock across the globe - but less so in Britain, where putting a topless model and an ageing pervert into government would probably be something of an improvement.

Meanwhile, in the real world - ie Twitter - a list of the social network’s most influential “Tweeters” has been released. Triple British Academy of Film and Television Arts Award-winning English film critic and presenter of radio and television Jonathan Ross has topped it.

Downing Street has only just beaten British television presenter Phillip Schofield.

Singers P Diddy, Britney Spears and Mr Ross’ wife are well ahead of former United States’ Vice-President and environmental activist Al Gore.

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is left trailing in the wake of singer and actress Miley Cyrus and singer 50 Cent.

English musician and songwriter Liam Gallagher and English pop music singer and songwriter Lily Allen beat US Vice-President Joe Biden hands down.

A mirror on the changing face of the world, if ever there was one.

From TODAY, World – Friday, 08-May-2009